Leaving people behind

As we grow older and wiser, or sometimes just more stubborn, the outlook is changed, and forever altered. In some ways I have learned to understand why parents my divorced so late in their marriage, but I hate change. But really the most important thing is to be happy with yourself, and to be around someone who brings you down will only waste precious time that we have on this earth. Like most people I hate changing stages in my life only because I have fear of the next stage and learning to face new challenges, but sometimes it is inevitable.

Throughout my life I have had to say good bye to many people. I learned in college, that it did me no good to be with people who did not support me, and make me feel good about myself. In any relationship, whether that be friendship or romantic, sometimes it is necessary to part ways. It is a waste of time to stay around for someone who doesn't respect your feelings. There is a give and a take, and someone who is always taking will just drain you physically and emotionally. If you are constantly fighting someone else's fires fires, you will no longer have the energy to fight your own.

I am definitely a firefighter. I like to help people, and I love to be needed, but I forget sometimes, that I need support too sometimes. I am lucky though, I have some wonderful firefighting friends too. Who are always there to pick me up when I am feeling down, and know the best time to drag me out to see Sex in the City. (Fantastic movie, by the way!)

So, as I face my days tomorrow, and the next day, I will remember that even though change is uncomfortable, it is better surround yourself with people who only say things to uplift me, and encourage me to grow.

Merry Christmas

Gifts are such a wonderful thing to receive. The best gift, as said in the wonderful words of Sean Connery is an unexpected thing at an unexpected time. A gift is definately not something that can be bought at the store. The true gift, to me, is really the thought behind the gift. As I try teach my husband that although jewelry is wonderful, I want a gift that he "saw" and "decided I couldn't live without." Last Christmas I had to explain that, this theory did not include a waffle maker. But he tries hard, and I love him.

I try hard when I pick out gifts because it is not good enough to me to just buy something. I would prefer not to give anything if I cannot find a truly meaningful gift. After all, why do we give gifts to begin with. Are we giving a thank you gift? Is it a gift to celebrate a meaninful life event? Or is it just a gift because you wanted that someone to feel special. I rack my brain sometimes to find the right gift for someone, usually I come up with something.

Sometimes we receive "gifts" that are messages. If someone gave me a bar of soap, I wouldn't really consider that a gift --more of a sign that I need a shower, but does it make it a gift if it is wrapped up in a big pink bow? Often times gifts do fulfill a need, and those are very necessry, but buying things off a registry seems more like an obligatory purchase. Ms. Manners hates registries, as do I. Also amusing are those subliminal gifts that really end up benefiting the giver and not the receiver. Even more annoying, are those "gifts" that you end up paying for yourself. I was reading an article about gift cards. A parent gave a a child's teacher a gift card to a high end designer clothes store. But the card was not enough to buy anything that teacher might like, and the teacher certainly couldn't afford to buy those items on her salary. What good is a gift that you have spend more money to take advantage of? I can understand if it is something I plan to do anyway, but I certainly don't want a "gift" that I have to spend more money OR drive a long way to use.

Its unfortunate to see how holidays and special events have been so commercialized. Being that it's June, the "dads and grads" sales were everywhere just a few weeks ago. Its not that dads and grads are undeserving, but I think there are a lot of great thoughtful commemorative gifts that don't come from Best Buy.

Relay For Life

My wonderful group of friends and I have been preparing for The American Cancer Society Relay for Life. It is going to be a fun day of fun all for a good cause. We will be down at Avery Point, until tomorrow morning. Feel free to stop by or call to cheer me on.

Gone Again...

Well, after months of being in the shipyard, and months passed the the day the boat was supposed to go underway. It finally went. I truly wonder, is it easier to do the leaving or to be left. Every departure is hard on me, regarless of if it is a just two or three days gone, or if it will be weeks. It seems to be getting easier as I experience more and more of them. This I suppose is the reason that CO's and XO's are still married. (Though not surprisingly, some of them I do notice, have made that second walk down the aisle.)

I am lost on how to feel at these moments. Is it better to present yourself as calm, cool, and collected, even though I am torn apart inside? Is it better to just let whatever emotions exist--exist? I sometimes think, what would the hubby want to see. Obviously my emotions about these events are my emotions, and for noone else, but me. But, for him, is it satisfying to leave knowing your wife is an emotional wreck over your departure? Would he feel more at ease knowing that, I am a strong independent woman who sees departure day, as an opportunity to "be strong and self-reliant"? I don't really spend too much time on these past couple questions, because, although I do care about his feelings, and I want to make the best of the time we do have together, I have realized that whatever emotions I may be feeling, I need to express them.

Happy Anniversary to Me! (And the hubby)

I am very excited today. It is the anniversary of the most wonderful day in my husbands life, the day that I said "I do." As in...

• I do promise to love you and live with the uncertainty of the navy.
• I do promise to learn to celebrate holidays, birthdays, and special occasions alone, and to remember that you miss me as much as I miss you.
• I do realize that anytime we plan a vacation it will be at the good graces of the commanding officer.
• I do promise to plan dinner that will still taste good when you come home an hour later than you told me, because "something broke".

Who's Your Daddy? I finally know!

I am proud to announce, that I know who my mother's father was. Well, I don't really know "who" he was, but I know where he was in 1930. He lived on Third Street in Portland, Oregon with his father, mother, sisters Rose and Betty Jean, and brother Richard. He lost his father at the young age of four, and would later be adopted by his stepfather.

My grandfather and grandmother were divorced early in their marriage. I don't know why, they divorced, but he passed away in 2006. At that time, I had not yet begun my genealogy fun, but would soon discover, that finding more information about this man would be very difficult.

I was finally able to get in touch with his sister, Rose. She was gracious, and gave me alot of information about her mother, father, and stepfather. I have since been able to find more information about my grandfather's family. I look forward to future discoveries, as I continue learn more about the many wonderful people who have come together, to make me who I am today.

Its sad to think that in addition to losing a loved one, when a person dies, a window to the past is closed. It takes alot of work to learn more about that person, and their life growing up, getting married, and having children. I am fortunate that both my father's parents and mother's mother is still here, and full of so much life, and able to share their stories with me. I think the one thing that I truly wish for in my golden years will be a memory to recall all the wonderful things I have learned about the many generations that have gone before me.

Weekend Agenda

Drew had been bugging me all week about wanting to do something fun this weekend. It is one of the only weekends this summer where we will have quality time. I had the grand idea of Six Flags, and Drew thought that would be a great idea also. There happens to be a six flags just about an hour and a half away. So we decided to venture up there. The first thing we discovered- we both had different intentions for the day. We both wanted to bring swimsuits to take advantage of "Hurricane Harbor" the water park inside Six Flags, but my intention was to spend the entire day there. Drew, however, is a roller coaster junkie and wanted to tryout every roller coaster that was preceded by a 73 minute wait time. (I know strange requirements!) We were able to compromise, and did a few of the roller coasters before we entered the water park, with the intention of doing a few more after the water fun was had for the day.

Let me just start off by saying, that although I had a great time, I think it is terribly annoying all the additional things that are required to purchase even after the price. I much prefer the parks where you can pay to get in, whatever that may be, and then everything else included for the day. I understand that food, drinks souvenirs should be separate, and take no issue with those extra charges, but I do not want to pay for a locker for every ride I want to go on.

The weather was almost perfect for most of the day. It was warm, but slightly overcast, which provided a nice sky, and we did not suffer from the overbearing heat which was present for most of the week. It did however start to rain in the afternoon, and the rides were closed for a short while. This, fortunately for us, resulted in a mass exodus of the water park at around 3pm. Unfortunately for me, the only restrooms in the water park were smack in the middle of the mass exodus, and I was forced to wait.

In the end, it was a very nice day. I was able to enjoy it without the worries of the Mack Noodle home alone. Becca, was kind enough to watch him for the day!

Yay, for early arrivals!

It was very exciting yesterday, when I got my call from Amanda about the boat being home. Sometimes I think that the unofficial phone tree is far more effective then the actual phone tree because I seem to know all the right people. (Those would be the people who are married to guys who know that the first order of business when the boat gets to Groton is to run to the nearest phone.) Amanda and I originally had a dinner date last night, but due to the return-age of said boat, we decided to postpone.

I would later find that Drew had duty, so I got to swap my dinner date with a girlfriend for dinner date with hubby, and the SDO. But it was still a nice dinner. Even better, aftwords, the husband got singled up (that means the Duty Officer tells him to go home), and was home by about 9:30. I am looking forward to a nice long weekend. We haven't quite decided what should be on the agenda, but next week is our 2nd anniversary, so at the very least, it should include some celebrating.

The Mute

I feel like this whole week has been dragging. The husband left on Monday, supposedly to return soon, but still absent from my days. Its amazing, life for me is almost on hold when he leaves. Sometimes I feel like Tom Hanks in Castaway. I walk around the house, doing the dishes, folding clothes, and watching tv, and not talking. I occasionally talk to the dog, but mostly we just sit there together. Hopefully, the husband will come home soon, so I can fill my verbal quota for the week. I am very behind.

Unattainable Goals

I really need to work on setting my goals and accomplishing them. Its not that I am failing, I am failing to commit, and continue to work at it. I know I could be successful if I just put a little extra effor into it, but dammit, where can I find that effort.

Goals for this weekend!

1. Clean House
2. Pack up clothes for Goodwill AND take to Goodwill
3. Eat no more than one meal out.

Hopefully these are three that I can accomplish. I have alot going on this weekend, but I should be able to find the time. Perhaps next week, I can accomplish some slightly more important projects.