Friday, June 20, 2008

Gone Again...

Well, after months of being in the shipyard, and months passed the the day the boat was supposed to go underway. It finally went. I truly wonder, is it easier to do the leaving or to be left. Every departure is hard on me, regarless of if it is a just two or three days gone, or if it will be weeks. It seems to be getting easier as I experience more and more of them. This I suppose is the reason that CO's and XO's are still married. (Though not surprisingly, some of them I do notice, have made that second walk down the aisle.)

I am lost on how to feel at these moments. Is it better to present yourself as calm, cool, and collected, even though I am torn apart inside? Is it better to just let whatever emotions exist--exist? I sometimes think, what would the hubby want to see. Obviously my emotions about these events are my emotions, and for noone else, but me. But, for him, is it satisfying to leave knowing your wife is an emotional wreck over your departure? Would he feel more at ease knowing that, I am a strong independent woman who sees departure day, as an opportunity to "be strong and self-reliant"? I don't really spend too much time on these past couple questions, because, although I do care about his feelings, and I want to make the best of the time we do have together, I have realized that whatever emotions I may be feeling, I need to express them.

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